Praying Blind

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him"

1 John 5:14-15

In the past week or two I have found myself in two unrelated yet confusing, stressful, and frustrating situations. Both have them have taken me on an emotional rollercoaster with peaks of incredible excitement and valleys of total frustration. I have found myself running in circles trying to get both of them sorted out and praying constantly for them to work in the way I want. And yet here I am and neither has been resolved. The only resolution I have is that I don’t know what is going on and it is driving me nuts.

I don’t get it though – I have been praying fervently throughout this whole time. I have asked God wholeheartedly for things to work out in one way or another. And honestly, nothing has happened. No word either way. Both situations, which are equally frustrating and wholly different, are not playing out at all. I don’t even care whether the outcomes of both are negative, I just want to know. I think I need to know in order to plan what is next.

But nothing. And yet there is the verse at the top and my only options are that I am A) not asking for what is in accordance with God’s will or B) He has heard me and I will know soon enough. Well, I am an impatient spoiled brat. I want to know now! But that is not what I am going to get.

But what if it is the first option? What if my prayers are not in accordance with His will?

I am a human, and a dumb one at that. I think I want something and I don’t, I believe I need something and it ends up hurting me. Every move I make is selfish, misguided, and largely problematic. So how can I trust myself to make a request to God that is in accordance with His will? I can’t.

If I am constantly asking God for something specific, I am not actually allowing Him to work in my own life. I am giving Him options when 99% of the time He chooses the best option which is never one of mine. Whenever I have seen God fulfill my prayer requests, it is often in a way I never expected and it almost always ends up teaching me that my request was not quite on the mark.

So I give up. I hate being the petulant child of the creator who keeps begging for options X or Y when it turns out it is option Z that is best for me. I hate always asking and pestering God to answer my prayers my way. Because my way is usually the wrong one. Almost always. I know I am not alone in this. I think, actually, that most people in similar situations feel the same way.

Instead of asking God for something I think the only thing we can actually do is to give it to Him. Surrender it as best we can. Place it on the table or the altar for God to use as He wishes. I am trying this now. I think it is the only way I can request something of God without limiting how I let God work in my life.

So instead of asking for these opportunities to work out, I am trying to give God my peace of mind on these issues. Honestly, that is what I truly seek – peace of mind. I know that it is on God to have these work out as He will, but it is on me to let Him work as fully in my life as I can allow. And the only way I can do that is to surrender instead of beg.

Aided but not carried

Those of us who grew up in youth groups, Christian families, or other similar situations may recall a favorite anecdote that has been over used. The idea that a man is looking back on his life and it looks like a set of footprints going through the sand. And during this time there were two sets – his and God’s but in the hard times there was only one set/ The man looks at God and says “Where were you in those hard times when I needed you most?” God replies “I carried you.”

That is dumb. Sorry, but it is. I really dislike the cheesy anecdotes and this one I have found to be particularly repugnant. Why? Because I don’t think there is anyone who got through hardship without doing a little of it on their own. Sure, maybe I am missing the point of the anecdote, but I think we have to remember that God has endowed us with two very important traits: gifts and limits.

Those two traits, while definitely not the exclusive traits of our beings, have a tendency to define who we are and our relationships with others and God. People with similar gifts tend to flock together – just think of all your stereotypical cliques in high school. Artists, athletes, nerds, and the band kids. Etc. These gifts allow us to cope with difficulty in our lives and to perform or create the wonderful.

It is our limits, though, that I am more interested in. We are all limited and it depends on the situation. Limits are universal – only God is limitless and the rest of us are beyond limited. Usually, we are useless, quite honestly. But it is in our limits that God is able to work in our lives.

The easiest example is the extreme – we are thrown into a situation where we have no control and cannot help but just let God take control. From a family member who is sick to waiting to hear back from a job you have applied for. You cannot make the situation better – it is out of your hands. It just needs to be given to Him.

But it is in the situations where we have some control that I think we tend to deceive ourselves. By having a modicum of control over a situation I know I think I can then influence more than my fair share, if not the entire thing. It is like when you study for a test and you know the material so well you think you know the questions that are going to be asked. You don’t. You may have an idea, and you may be right occasionally, but you don’t. All you can do is use what you have to prepare.

So why do I think that little anecdote about the man on the beach and God is dumb? Because I think God has always expected and asked me to do some of the work in all of the difficult situations I have encountered. I think He has given me the strength, the resources, the wisdom, and all of the other help I needed to get through it but in the end I had to decide to keep moving forward. Look at these three verses, ones that actually equipped me to deal some of the hardest times of my own life:

‘“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”’
Matthew 11:28-30

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’
James 1:2-4

We are given relief, we are equipped, and we are sustained in the difficult times in our lives. But we are not carried. It is still on us to move forward. But to do so, we have to recognize our limits so that we may have our burdens lifted. Because what greater burden is there than believing you control everything? We are endowed with gifts to cope with our limits so that we can move forward. In the end, it will make us stronger so we may hopefully aid one another as I was.

Two blessings diverged in a yellow wood...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,…

[excerpt from Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken”]

You know what is funny? The most frustrating circumstances can be when we are faced with two blessings that (seem to) contradict eachother. I know that when that happens I have a tendency to look up at God and go “really??” I mean come on - all good things should be easy, clear, and not frustrating at all right? Maybe not. Maybe I am not looking at this right…

I realize that, honestly, my pride is so great I want my blessings on my terms. God giving me something good that is not exactly how I want it is enough. I want it my way. And I am not the only one…

John 13:3-12 - Christ washes the Disciples' feet

'Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.'

I read in the notes of my Bible about this passage, one that has always perplexed me, and it explained the whole thing. Peter, who seems to be acting out of humility and love is actually acting out of pride. Jesus, who it had just been pointed out was in control of all things from God (ie everything), is acting in humility and love by giving this gift. And yet look at Peter - he denies the blessing that Jesus offers and tries to put it on his own terms: the first time seems humble enough, but the second time he asks for more than just the blessing Christ offered – the washing of his feet and his whole body. Again, humble enough looking until you think of it this way – Peter is trying to define the blessing he receives instead of understanding it and appreciating it. Only his feet need washing (from walking). Now I have to admit, this is not my own thought – I am not so insightful – but I found it to be a very interesting explanation.

It is not our place to redefine a blessing from God because we think it should be a different way. That is like being given a brand new Mercedes and saying you would have preferred it in red instead of blue.

Now look at our own lives. How often are we in that beautiful yellow wood, facing two equally pleasant choice, and then how often are we tempted to get upset because we can’t have both, or at least not in that moment?

I do it all the time.

It is Ash Wednesday, a time we are to be reminded of our sinful nature and of the trials Christ faced in preparing for his ministry. But I would posit that we should also be reminded of our pride, and how it even interferes with the blessings we receive because we simply don’t understand them… yet.

Instead – thanks be to God! Because to be faced with a choice, much less a choice between blessings, is a true blessing in itself. Just be careful not to misconstrue God’s love, His plan, and the expression of that in our lives, as anything but good.

The Cross of St. Everyman

'And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me'” (Luke 9:23, NASB).

Internetmonk, a blog I rather enjoy, posed a good question recently on this verse. Essentially - what does this mean? What does it mean to take up your cross daily?

Matthew 19:16-26 recounts the parable of the rich young ruler... a parable I have always struggled with because I see myself in the young man...

'Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
“Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’[a] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.'

This is a tough one for me. A young man who is genuinely trying to follow Christ is unable to follow Him in the end because he would not give up his wealth. I look at him and then I look at my own life and I get more than a little nervous - I'm supposed to just sell everything I have?? That makes no sense! But that is what I am supposed to do isn't it?

Well the question on internet monk got me thinking about something C.S.Lewis said:
“A man who is eating or lying with his wife or preparing to go to sleep in humility, thankfulness and temperance, is, by Christian standards, in an infinitely higher state than one who is listening to Bach or reading Plato in a state of pride.”

From this I have come to realize the following. Not all Christians are called to sell all they have and become priests, monks, missionaries, etc. Not all Christians are these things. Some are called to live their own lives with God at the center and that can be a much more difficult task. Humility comes easily when the Creator has told you a direction. But being humble is difficult when you have to trust that God is using you in your everyday life. Taking up your cross may simply be working every day to make and keep God as your foundation and praying that your life will be of use. We may never see that our lives are useful to the Lord, but if we keep moving toward Him we have to trust we will be.

But this is not an excuse either and we cannot ignore a call and we cannot be selfish in our blessings. Corinthians 8:13-15 says "Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, as it is written: “The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little.”

We need to be like Abraham when he was called to sacrifice his son Isaac when dealing with all parts of our lives - especially those parts we care for most (I discussed this story at length in an earlier post titled "Abraham's Knife"). We have to place all we have on an altar and allow God to take and use what He will as He wishes. The rich young ruler turned away because he valued his wealth more than God. God asks us to be willing to give Him everything and allow all we have and all we are to be used by Him. We may put our money and lives on the table and not get that great calling to be a missionary or a monk. But by placing it on the altar, by making it available to God to use we are just as useful to the Lord as those whose direction is more clear.

God may or may not use what we offer Him. If we put our lives and money on the altar for His use he may take it from us for His purpose. It is a risk. But it is a necessary one to let God use us for His glory. And aside from placing what we have on the altar to be used by Him, we have to live our lives with temperance, humility, and faith as C.S. Lewis said so well. That is probably the toughest task of them all.